Betty Revisited

May 22, 2018

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You remember her don’t you? I introduced you to her in my 2nd post. Native Atlantan, Buckhead grown, Southern proper in every way but what a pistol! Firing at will in every direction when you least expect it.

 

Well, I haven’t seen her in a while but like a good legend, there are always stories about her which circulate among our common network to remind us that she is real and still within our midst.

 

A friend of a friend told me that she last saw Betty at last summer’s USTA State Championships. After their first day of play and looking for a little fun and camaraderie before heading off to bed, one of the ladies broke out the popular, Cards Against Humanity, card game. "What is Cards Against Humanity?” you might be asking yourself. 

 

From the website: 

“Cards Against Humanity is a party game for horrible people. Unlike most of the party games you've played before, Cards Against Humanity is as despicable and awkward as you and your friends.

 

The game is simple. Each round, one player asks a question from a black card, and everyone else answers with their funniest white card.”

 

If you’ve not played it, I’m here to tell you that it is a very awkward game and depending on your baseline threshold level of TMI (Too Much Information), it can be downright uncomfortable. So, for example, on a scale from 1 to 5, I’d say that I’m around a 2.5. I don’t like talking about uncomfortable/personal things but I can usually listen without running out of the room and may throw in a comment or two depending on the company. My friend who is more of a 4 recently told me that she discovered that she’d worn her thong underwear backward for an entire day before realizing it. Another friend who is more of a 5 responded to her story with, “Party in the front!”. Then the one who is definitely on the opposing end of the spectrum, and will enter into a discussion about the human anatomy solely for medical reasons, will only refer to the female parts as, “that area” as she hovers her hand over her lap. You get the picture, the closer you are to a 5 the more you will enjoy this game. And the closer you are to a 1...not so much.

 

Anyway, Betty, who I'd imagine is a 2 purely from naiveté, was introduced to the game that night and as flustered as she may have been with any given card, she apparently was equally as curious. Asking for definitions and explanations from her teammates who were more than excited to educate this lovely lady. And just as "curiosity killed the cat”, in Betty’s case the use of the often omitted rejoinder is necessary, “but satisfaction brought it back”. Betty was truly elated by her new found interest that she asked to know more. So, the girls took her to a “toy” store when they got back to Atlanta.

 

Slyly looking over her shoulder at all the paraphernalia as to seem disinterested, her dead give away were the readers perched on her nose. She did whisper quiet questions to the ladies who escorted her to the store and used them to handle the products which Betty would not dare touch. 

 

After making her selection, one of the ladies was directed to take the item to the counter for Betty where she would meet her and make the purchase. Outwardly nervous, Betty stood at the counter probably secretly wishing the clerk would speed up the process. Just as he started to bag the item in a discreet black plastic bag the clerk removed the item and addressed Betty, “You know, the instructions only show one way to use this. I’ve found that if you also insert….” With that, the vise which holds together Betty's world, that of a mature, respectable and correct southern lady, suddenly snapped and Betty ordered, “Stop!”, turning all the heads in the store just in time to see her sprint out the door with her hands over her ears. 

 

Her friends quietly and politely brought the black bag with the purchased item to Betty who was a wreck but safely in her car. “Just put it in the trunk!” She pleaded. And with that she was off.  Rumor has it that to this day, the bag remains in her trunk exactly where it was placed, unopened and undisturbed.

 

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